Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
