he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize