Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
