if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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