A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
