so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
