wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
