Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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