What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Randomize
