think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize
