he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
ttyl tear gas
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
