No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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