i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize