Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
