It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
