Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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