Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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