Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
