Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
