no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So apparently I’m into choking now
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
