wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
