My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
