Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
