I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
