Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
