Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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