and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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