i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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