a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
