You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
