Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think I have vodka in my lungs
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize