I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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