i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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