I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Hippo gnu deer
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
