It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
