i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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