I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
