Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
