The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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