if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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