she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
