You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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