So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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