My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
