If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
