I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
