so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
