I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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