If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize