I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize