Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
