My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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