let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
