In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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