the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
We need to rekindle our bromance
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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