Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize