Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
