Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You can't motorboat a personality
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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