I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
