with your own penis?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize