i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
