just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
