he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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