Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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