What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
