She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
