You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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