I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
