shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
