How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
