Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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