areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
