I heard we made out
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
