if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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