i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
