he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
